Friday, January 29, 2016

Outraged Oldie

Am I a prude? Yes, and no. I think there are certain parts of the body that are best left covered when in public, people who turn up at the supermarket in a dressing gown are clearly daft, and certain activities are best confined to a bedroom rather than being broadcast in the media. But let's face it, I have two kids so we all know that I've had sex at least twice. I probably fall somewhere in the middle of a statistical curve of prudery. Having said that, I'm outraged. Here's why:


      I finally caved in to psychological pressure yesterday and purchased the solitary copy of The Oldie that was lurking on the back shelf of the magazine rack in Waitrose. Do I think that I am an 'oldie'? Not quite. So why did I fork out three pounds ninety five pence, a sum of money that would have kept me in beans on toast for the foreseeable future? Well, I had learned from my copy of the Writers and Artists Year Book that The Oldie  is one of the few magazine publications that accepts unsolicited articles and was advised to read through a few copies to get a flavour of the magazine. That is why, in short, I added the magazine to my shopping trolley. I subsequently made the error of perusing the magazine's website and ever since have been flooded with attempted bribery via email - get three copies for £3 if I take out a subscription. Plus, Google has seen fit to allow The Oldie to regularly place ads on my website. So the magazine had slunk into my synapses but I still wasn't mad enough to accept bribery and take out the subscription.

The Oldie is a very well-written literary magazine with interesting articles set amidst adverts that ask me Have you ever had your wine stock valued? and invite me to attend an exhibition of works by Gwen John and Lucien Freud. You get the idea. A bit too upmarket for me. But what's this I spy on page 95. A column  of eight ads from people who are diverse and yet share similar interests: Pretty Oriental Beauty and an Understanding Attractive Continental Lady invite me to submit to a memorable massage in discreet surroundings. Really! In The Oldie!  No thanks. Have I paid £3.95 for this! Is The Oldie so desperate for revenue that it has to resort to sleeze? I'm tempted to take up the invitation to contact the advertising manager; though not for the purpose she has in mind!